Inhale, Exhale, Repeat

Today the hubby is leaving for the east coast to attend his cousin’s wedding – he will be gone for 4 days! We have never been a part for long periods of time. The last time was when he was hospitalized after a severe ruptured appendix in 2008. He was gone for a whole week and out of commission for at least a month. That had to have been one of the scariest times of my life. I felt like my strength as a mother was being put to the test. How insane my life was. Seeing him in this helpless state and missing his presence in our daily lives was a sample of what my life would be like without him. I fought great sadness every day so that I can care for our 4 kids – Ella at the time was only 7 months old. It was after the birthdays of our two older kids, the start of holidays, in the midst of my unemployment…but it was the unemployment that served as a blessing and gave me the time I needed to care for him and my family. I drove back and forth from the hospital every day, made sure the kids were cared for during the day (by our parents), fed at dinner time, and secure by bedtime. But it was that lonely scared feeling I’d have at night when I didn’t have him there with me. I would talk to him nightly on the phone mostly listening to his deliria from the meds and hear him doze off to sleep. That was a sad time and in retrospect I’m amazed at how we all made it through.

As the days got closer to his departure (today), I began to feel stress filling my body at the thought of potential annoyances, requests and demands that I would face alone with the kids. But somehow I managed to sort it out – on paper and in my mind – how things would go and told myself that I’ve done this before under worse circumstances and I can do it again.

Be easy-going, have no high expectations, communicate clearly, stick to my agenda, listen openly, and enjoy quality time with my children. Take moments to breathe in…and breathe out. I hope he will come back refreshed and ready to come back home to his family. I will miss him but this weekend won’t allow me much time to feel sad. I am determined to have a good weekend – just me and my kids.

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